seriously, what the fuck? I don't think a single message (both phone or instant messenger) that i've left in the last 2 days has been returned. No matter what the message and no what who i've sent it too. one person just stopped responding in mid conversation and hasn't responded in almost 48 hours, despite being online probably 20 out of the 24 hours in a day. It's not that i feel the need to have everybody lavish me with attention or anything, all i'm asking for is if i've left a message, even if your busy, just say "can't talk, busy" so i atleast know i'm not being ignored. Honestly, i feel stupid for even bothering to try. Like how the hell can you be in the middle of a conversation, stop talking and then not say anything else to the person for going on 48 some odd hours now? especially when you talk with said person everyday for atleast an hour. like i said, busy, thats more then fine, but atleast acknowledge my attempt and let me know that you are busy and will talk later or something. Don't want to talk to me anymore? thats cool too, just fucking tell me so i can't stop bothering. gah people are fags.

p.s. maddy, if you read this, totally not about you lol. i'm pretty sure i've mentioned this person to you before, and if not i'll fill you in later.

paitence, i just need paitence. just breathe and keep repeating that.... oh and the ton of books/dvd's/games/figures i just bought will probably help too

i just don't have the heart to be mean to people , even if i really want too. Someone the annoys the fuck out of me added me to msn AGAIN, not wanting to be mean i accepted and now the person won't stop talking to me. The only peace i get is when they are blocked. and yet i can't bring myself to be mean to them and tell them to fuck off. so instead i sit there and listen to their inane babble while they wine about their self esteem and failed relationship. on a happier note i'm looking forward to christmas, seeing all my relatives is going to be good times. Picked up a game called elebits for the Wii in place of the turd known as Monkey ball, and boy am i glad i did that. Elebits is amazing! Some times i wonder why i try with people. Am i really that desperate for affection/attention that i need to constantly put myself out for the hopes of catching someones interest? There are days, like today, that i just want to close down my myspace page and wipe 90% of the people off my msn list, and yet i never do, which i'm not too sure isn't totally pathetic because of what that says about me.oh well, time to focus on the positives, family, video games and guitar.

dear sega, you are a rat bag piece of shit, and i hate you and all your employees with the intensity of 1000 suns. Super Monkey Ball : Banana Blitz has become my hands down favorite for "worst game in the fucking universe" I would rather participate in an orgy at a nursing home then play this steaming pile of festering crap ever again. i honestly can't get to microplay fast enough to trade it in and get your game out of my site. if it wasn't for the fact i could actually get something better for this game, i would take great pleasure in smashing it into a thousand pieces , burning said pieces, then urinating on it to put out the ensuing fire. i don't see the list of people at the end of the game as credits so much as i do a hit list. I hope you, sonic and any further monkey balls get a deadly ebola/aids combination and die a painful death. Never sully my game console again.

p.s. your momma smells so bad, only a necrophiliac would date her

it's been a good weekend, something i really needed. i'm sore and tired and feel stretched so thin i'm almost see through, but at least i'm thinking less. I just want a life again, things to do, people to see, and someone to love. yet all of it seems out of reach, all a world away. i don't even know where to start. But what i wonder is, are they things you can begin or do they appear when you aren't looking, not even knowing they are there until you are hip deep in them?